Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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