"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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