So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
