She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
