could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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