I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
