He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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