Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
