I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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