I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
