He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Me too!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
