So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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