dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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