k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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