Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
