Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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