Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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