I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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