I didn't shave. On purpose
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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