Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
