oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
