dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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