He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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