It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
