I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I supernannyed him into submission
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