i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
