If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
