my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
