you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
