There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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