You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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