Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
