my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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