i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
