am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he was CRYING into my vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
