we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
