Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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