he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
