Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
