I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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