i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
