Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Nicole vs. Life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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