Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
