brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
