I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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