God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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