I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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