He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
