everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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