he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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