just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
