If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
