we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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