FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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