so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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