I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
