My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
