If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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