grandma shit on top of the toilet
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
