Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
