Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
