So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
