Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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