you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
