Pants 0. Shit 1.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
