It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
