I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
