Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
