i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
