Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize