you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pants are for mortals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
