you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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